M o n d a y

Days like this: Waking up naturally, a cup of milk, making an egg mayo croissant, having the day to myself just thinking, reflecting, watching videos, reading blogs, youtube-ing. Well this morning, I plugged in and listened to this song on Youtube, "Here, Tonight" by AJ Rafael. As much as mainstream radio songs are super nice to sing along with friends, and how it feels good to party to house music that I actually know now, I like listening to songs like this. It makes me think about my life, all the little and big components of it. It makes everything feel so much more blissful and meaningful. It's like plugging in on a long bus ride looking out of the window, feeling like you're in a mv. Almost the same feeling there, haha. In this short morning, a lot crossed my mind. 

I've always wanted to travel, I know who doesn't. I've always put traveling as my biggest dream. But I always just pictured myself being there, embracing the view and moment. I've never thought of who will be there with me. Most probably my beloved other half, I guess. But what about my family/my parents? It has actually never crossed my mind to travel the world with them. I felt guilty for a moment there. I think we all don't realise how much our parents and siblings mean to us. I mean I still don't completely do. I figured it's because it's innate that you or rather I feel that they will always be there, because they have been there your entire life. Even though you know that that's not gonna be true because no one can be forever with you, you can't help but act like that sometimes-taking them for granted. I'm still trying and hoping to be a better daughter/sister, one that is not afraid to just give them hugs whenever I feel like. 

I also typed out a text to a friend, still a friend I hope. But, I have not send it out because there's too much thought in my mind. Honestly, I want to send texts to so many more ppl, the guys who I haven't heard from in a long time. People that I honestly am thankful for in my life, the ly guys. Even though I can't say we are close anymore, you guys do make me smile:) It sucks when you think of how things could be better/different if you hadn't done something the way you did or, ya. But I really think every decision made and its thereafter shapes you into who you are today. And yes, who I am today. So I am just hoping and believing that things will someday somehow fall into place. The difference now is that I know I have to do something for change, that it will not just be it magically. And yes, I just sent out the text.

What about the future? The job, the dreams, the life you want to live but know that life will never be smooth sailing and it's almost impossible to live as you want completely. Some people seem to have it so easily, but I guess we just don't know the hard parts of it. I believe everyone if not most people have stories behind them, and challenging paths they took. I guess there never isn't a time where you are certain about everything in life. But it feels good to move along and learn, change.

Being happy doesn't mean being happy with every single thing in your life, it just means you are happy where you are now, being you.

-Ven